Author: bmacneill75

May 1, 2023

I realized while in Fort Lauderdale a few days ago, that it had been almost three months since we had been in our own country.  What a trip we have had!

It has also been almost five years since we had sailed in or out of Ft. Lauderdale, the last time being November of 2018.  Before that, we were pretty regular Caribbean cruisers on Celebrity Cruises so we could get out of the winters we experienced in the places we were living at the time.

Today my thoughts were recalling not only places and people we have experienced on this trip, but a significant number of big events that we have experienced in our lives since that 2018 visit to Ft. Lauderdale.

The first happened during that cruise, when my Dad passed away after spending a lengthy time in the nursing home suffering from Alzheimer’s.  This was truly a blessing but still a big life changing event. Over the coming years we would also see Kristine’s Dad pass at age 94, our fellow cruiser and brother-in-law Lyle lose his battle with fibrosis of the lungs, see both of our next door neighbors die of Covid (they refused to believe in and get the vaccinations), have a dear friend in Bend die totally unexpectedly of a massive heart attack, and losing my brother Lynn to Covid before the vaccines were available.  Family and friends have always been very important to me, and even with all the new and exciting things we have seen on this trip, I know those influences are with me daily.

So many reminders that we need to make the most of our limited time here on earth.

We also found ourselves, by choice, relocating from snowy central Oregon to the coast, where we now enjoy the ocean every day we are home.

Winding toward the end of this trip, I have no regrets.  I have seen and experienced things that, before we left, I never thought I would.  I have learned so much about myself and feel I have a better perspective on our world.  Given the chance there are places I would come back to, but maybe more than that, it has made me realize how many more places there are that I would like to see.  Time, health, and money will determine how much of that happens.

Also, I have been reminded often that most days I am uncomfortable in large crowds of people, and this is made worse if it is a noisy crowd of people.  I think my hearing has worsened, which does not help that situation.  I continue to enjoy, very much, great conversations with a small group of people, or one on one situations.  I also learned that there is still a lot of room for me to grow and learn as a human being.

So, we went to Cartagena, Colombia yesterday, which will put us yet on another continent.  Then two days to and through the Panama Canal, and we will truly be on the downside of this great adventure.

We are sitting in the Seattle-Tacoma airport waiting for our flight to Los Angeles to start our world cruise that has been long in the planning.  Too many thoughts are running through my head to share them all.

But last night as I was falling asleep I was reminded of how much feelings of guilt affect our lives (bear with me.)  Over twenty years ago, when I was in the financial planning business, I used to listen to a lot of motivational tape series.  One of those was Mike Wicket, who covered a variety of subjects, but his talk on guilt has always stuck with me.  Paraphrasing, he said that guilt is a vile, worthless, destructive emotion and we should make every effort to rid our lives of it.

From that time on I did work on that, improved my dealings with it, but still can’t totally rid myself its effects.  Of course we all live around a high percentage of people who are, by nature, guilt “dispensers”, which doesn’t help our individual efforts to cope with it.

In 2018 we were booked on a two week Caribbean cruise that sailed in November, including Kristine’s birthday.  Three days before, I (as trustee and POA) received a call from the nursing home where my Dad had been for the past nine years.  His condition had declined to the point they suggested putting him on hospice care in place at the home.  I made the calls, signed the paperwork, and made the decision (with plenty of efforts to make me feel guilty coming in from various sources) to continue our trip. My main point of reference on hospice being recommended was Kristine’s stepmother who was on and off in hospice for two to three years before she passed.  Three days into our trip my Dad passed (such a blessing as he had not known any of us and had been getting violent at times for several years) and we continued on our trip.

Today we are leaving on another, much longer trip.  Over the past few weeks, we have been dealing with the decline in health of my Mom, who turned 95 in November, and the declining health of our 16+ year old terrier (Charlie) who we have had since he was 8 weeks old.

As my Mom worked to recover from Covid that she contracted in June, her health declined to the point we needed to move her from her assisted living apartment into a skilled nursing home.  In October and November, we thought we were going to lose her several times.  Kristine and I talked often whether we should postpone our world cruise.  I was back and forth to South Dakota numerous times dealing with things between May and December.  We were fortunate to have wonderful family offer to keep Charlie, so the main factor was my Mom.

But here we are.  Kristine and I are both cancer survivors, and we know there are only so many years and chances out there ahead for us to do the traveling that had always been our plan in retirement.  I have made arrangements with my sisters on how we will handle things should my Mom pass while we are gone (we will continue our cruise and hold a memorial/celebration of life service when we return,) and while the twinges are there for me (the big G), I do feel we are doing the right thing, though again I am sure some do not agree with our decision.

Ultimately, we all face difficult decisions every day, week, month, and year, and I feel good about where I am sitting this morning.